Fathers play a crucial role in childhood development. However, in much of post-modern culture, this role is frequently undermined by certain family dynamics and institutional biases in the judicial system during custody cases. Moreover, even in households with two parents, there is a growing trend that encourages fathers to adopt predominantly feminine characteristics in their approach to parenting. While men certainly have the capacity to bring loving care to their children through nurture, and it is healthy for men to offer this, it's important to recognize that this is just one aspect of the broader spectrum of care that fathers can provide. This shift can lead men to question their natural instincts and rely on their partners to model appropriate parenting behavior.

We have been conditioned as a society to emphasize only the role of the mother in child rearing. While it's true that what healthy maternal energy can bring is invaluable, the importance of a father's presence in a child's life is indisputable based on the many studies that have been conducted on this subject. From the moment a child is born, fathers have the ability to shape their children's lives in meaningful ways. In our modern day nuclear family households, there is already a lack of diversity in presence, energy, and perspective which potentially limits a child's developmental path. As creatures that evolved within a more complex system of interdependent human relational dynamics, we are already operating at a net loss compared to what the expectations of our genetic hardware and neurological software were designed for.

The imprints we receive, particularly early in our first few years of life, but also as our brain continues to develop into our 20's, shape perceptions and expectations of ourselves and this world for an entire lifetime. While it's understandable that modern parents have become more cautious and perhaps more intentional in the last couple of generations, as to what they allow their children to be exposed to due to a desire to shift and heal intergenerational abuses and traumatic experiences, it's important to have a critical eye on any trends, particularly those that stem from unresolved pain. Any action that is sourced in trauma, that is reactionary, while not being a present moment-based response, will in many cases become a projection and assumption of that pain, where it may not even exist.

The trend towards modern parents' over-involvement, often termed 'helicopter parenting,' where parents attempt to shelter their children, can cause unseen damage. This is a very preventable damage. And the remedy for this comes from qualities that most men, who have some contact with their authentic masculine nature, would naturally embody and bring to the child-rearing experience.

On an archetypal level, masculine energy is associated with creating freedom, challenging norms, and confronting obstacles. From the very first act that fathers get the opportunity to do symbolically is cutting the umbilical cord that initially connects mother to child. This symbolic act is the masculine's continued role as the child moves through different developmental stages. While the feminine and maternal aspects are concerned with safety, nurturance, and comfort, if a child spends their life frozen in a womb-like enmeshment with the mother energy, they will never develop certain capacities to go out into the world and be functional. We see this reflected in many a modern day youth's failure to launch. Children are statistically not getting their driver's licenses until much older, and many kids still living in the family home until nearly 30.

Researcher Warren Farrell has extensively studied what he calls the 'boy crisis,' referring to the challenges boys face in modern society. What the research is showing is that boys are more likely to struggle in school, have lower grades, and be diagnosed with behavioral problems compared to girls. This includes less and less enrollment for young men into higher education. However, the studies have also shown that the presence of a supportive and involved father can help to mitigate this epidemic of boys falling behind. What has been shown is that not just boys, but all children with involved fathers have been found to have better academic performance, higher levels of social and emotional competence, and fewer behavioral problems.

While there is a bit of a trope of the "deadbeat dad" or the absent father, I believe the majority of men, unless they are dealing with serious unresolved trauma themselves, have an instinctual desire to be involved in their children's lives. What is not often seen or acknowledged as an impact on family systems is the detrimental contribution that our family judicial systems play in contributing to what we might perceive as deadbeat dad syndrome. In actuality, many fathers, based on cultural maternal biases, are driven further away from their children. This can occur through the amplification of existing family conflicts, within a justice system that is hell-bent, not on what is in the best interest of children, but on a winner/loser battle dynamic. Many fathers fall victim to false allegations of abuse, as it can often be a strategy within female culture to combat with reputational slander. While men are certainly not innocent of bringing their own form of aggression to the mix, male displays of aggression tend to be more verbal or physical. In the end, statistically, we are still seeing the prevalence of mothers becoming the custodial parent and an uneven parenting time split, generally favoring women, even taking into account the fact that financial earning capacities are evening out across the gender divide. In many cases, fathers are left with not only less time with their children but also the emotional pain and fallout of the arrangement of minimal contact with their loved ones.

A father's involvement can be diverse, extending beyond the stereotypical 'Disneyland dad' experience. While it can be impactful for a father to plan special experiences with their kids. We need to be careful that we are not being motivated in our efforts to win our kids love or approval by overcompensating with over-the-top activities. It's almost always the simple things we do and the consistency we can show up with that has the most net positive impact for children.

Below are a few examples of beneficial things that fathers can do, and you may already be doing naturally.

Play. Play is essential. It doesn't necessarily mean playing with dump trucks or donning Tinkerbell wings, though there may be a time and place for those activities. One thing that both boys and girls both often love to do is to rough house. We've all witnessed the way young puppies or kittens will play in games of dominance and submission, and this shows up all across the entire mammalian kingdom. Roughhousing is an important tool in brain development, body coordination, relational awareness and in developing an understanding of social dynamics. Research has indicated that rough physical play can help children develop body awareness, a healthy respect and understanding of others boundaries, and even the capacity to empathize with others feelings.These are all crucial for healthy socialization.

Playing Catch. Tossing a ball back and forth is not just about the sport of it or the coordination. When you are throwing a heavy object to someone that can potentially cause them harm, it requires both a quality of connection and attunement. The sensitivity be modeled in how fast, how far, how high, or how low to throw the ball to both provide your child a chance of succeeding, but also reading them to find that level of challenge that would both build their skill and self confidence. The layers of care that can go into the simplicity of throwing a ball to your kids runs deep. And will be both felt in the moment and have a longer term positive benefit for your child.

Teaching A Skill. There's something deeply satisfying for men in imparting some kind of knowledge that we've acquired to a young hungry mind. Children at varying ages want to learn about the world. And while you may not think much about the many things you've picked up growing into adulthood, there's a lot of wisdom in there. There's an art to teaching a skill that leaves a particularly positive imprint. Waiting for your child's genuine curiosity and desire to learn something. While there may be a time and pace for a specific agenda to teach a child some fundamentals about how to function in life, their receptivity will help the flow of knowledge touch them deeper. The skill of teaching a skill also requires your patience, your capacity to be with their frustrations as they struggle to learn, and how well you attune to them in your pacing of what they are ready to take in. The memory and value of the time you devoted to teach your children will stay with them for a lifetime, even if the skill itself gets lost.

Presence. It's a simple concept, yet not easy to practice. Modern society has conditioned us primarily around doing activities. While taking relevant action is necessary at times, it's not necessary to always be preoccupied with staying busy. Kids crave a father's presence. There's a quality of nourishment and being seen that fortifies children in unseen ways, just by being with them, offering our undivided attention, witnessing and listening. This could look like just sitting in silence together on a road trip, with enough comfort in the connection that words don't need to be spoken. It could mean showing up to a performance or sporting event. Or just being there while they do a homework assignment. It could mean holding them in a comforting embrace when they are having a moment of strong emotion. Don't underestimate the power and impact of your presence, it's meaningful and it can be felt as a feeling of safety.

Critical Thinking. As a father, you may naturally challenge your child's thinking as they reach a certain age. This could be a around asking tough questions that help them to exercise their mental strength to solve a problem.Equipping our children for self-sufficiency requires them to confront inevitable social, emotional, and political challenges as they grow. Rather than rescuing them from the inevitable challenges they will face, we can train them to be empowered with a quality of discernment and perspective, which allows them to investigate with a kind of depth, that helps them to make wise and informed decisions. Research has shown that a father's involvement strengthens the executive function of the pre frontal cortex part of the brain, helping your kids move from emotional reactions to rational decision-making. 

It is essential for fathers to be recognized by society and supported in their role as parents, as their involvement is proven to have lasting benefits for their children. This needs to be recognized and upheld within both two parent households as well as in coparenting dynamics. It's vital that mothers do not undermine or emasculate the fathers inputs even if it provides a different approach than what they will instinctually be moved to do. While parents may disagree, those disagreements need to be hashed out without the watchful eyes of their children. And ultimately, a mother that holds a quality, tone and demeanor of respect towards the father figure, despite any disagreements, will entrain their children with an internalized psychology of respect for the masculine qualities within them. Those qualities including; structure, order, direction, decisiveness, rational thinking, self sacrifice, boundaries and assertiveness. More often than not, a mother that doesn't respect a man and overrides his input, is actually caught in her own unconscious masculine energy, and projecting her distrust for the masculine onto him.

Research has consistently shown that fathers are just as capable of providing care and support for their children as mothers. Studies have found that children with involved fathers have better academic outcomes, higher self-esteem, and fewer behavioral problems. In addition, fathers who are involved in their children's lives have been shown to have a positive impact on their children's social and emotional development.

It is important to recognize that fathers play a critical role in their children's lives and to acknowledge the biases and stereotypes that can disadvantage fathers in our assumed societal childrearing dynamics. By supporting fathers in their efforts to be involved and equal caregivers, we can create a more equitable society and help our children receive the unique qualities of parenting that naturally come from men.

If you're a man and a father, know that your children need you. There may be times that you feel unimportant or inadequate depending on the stage of your child's development. There may be times where your efforts feel dismissed or your intentions misunderstood, nonetheless you need to stand strong. Know your value and uphold your values within the family system. Often a fathers discipline will be rejected and unappreciated until children reach adulthood, when they finally see that what may have come across as too strict or harsh, helped them to file their taxes on time, or set healthy boundaries in a relationship. We are in an era where there is a war on masculinity and terms like the patriarchy are being weaponized to hedge men in. I'd like to end this blog with an excerpt from the Mythic Masculine podcast, and an interview with Stephen Jenkinson, where he speaks to the etymological true origins of the term patriarchy.

So, patriarchy. Patros. Not man. Not boy. Father. Is father a subset of men? Arche: the fundament, the kind of hard-to-realize fundament that upholds everything that rests upon it. Foundational. Requiring the ability to stand under, in order to be understood. That's not just a play on words. That's literally what it means. That's why it's archeology and archetype and, you know, architectonics and arch, archaic. All of these refer to some, not the first, but that which is willing to stand under and sustain everything that comes subsequent to it. Put them back together and what do you have? Do you have men? No, but you do have something masculine and it's a function. It's the willingness to engage in a kind of primordial spirit labour called fathering.

References:

• Farrell, W. (2018). The Boy Crisis: Why Our Boys Are Struggling and What We Can Do About It.
• The Mythic Masculine Podcast

Fathers play a crucial role in childhood development. However, in much of post-modern culture, this role is frequently undermined by certain family dynamics and institutional biases in the judicial system during custody cases. Moreover, even in households with two parents, there is a growing trend that encourages fathers to adopt predominantly feminine characteristics in their approach to parenting. While men certainly have the capacity to bring loving care to their children through nurture, and it is healthy for men to offer this, it's important to recognize that this is just one aspect of the broader spectrum of care that fathers can provide. This shift can lead men to question their natural instincts and rely on their partners to model appropriate parenting behavior.

We have been conditioned as a society to emphasize only the role of the mother in child rearing. While it's true that what healthy maternal energy can bring is invaluable, the importance of a father's presence in a child's life is indisputable based on the many studies that have been conducted on this subject. From the moment a child is born, fathers have the ability to shape their children's lives in meaningful ways. In our modern day nuclear family households, there is already a lack of diversity in presence, energy, and perspective which potentially limits a child's developmental path. As creatures that evolved within a more complex system of interdependent human relational dynamics, we are already operating at a net loss compared to what the expectations of our genetic hardware and neurological software were designed for.

The imprints we receive, particularly early in our first few years of life, but also as our brain continues to develop into our 20's, shape perceptions and expectations of ourselves and this world for an entire lifetime. While it's understandable that modern parents have become more cautious and perhaps more intentional in the last couple of generations, as to what they allow their children to be exposed to due to a desire to shift and heal intergenerational abuses and traumatic experiences, it's important to have a critical eye on any trends, particularly those that stem from unresolved pain. Any action that is sourced in trauma, that is reactionary, while not being a present moment-based response, will in many cases become a projection and assumption of that pain, where it may not even exist.

The trend towards modern parents' over-involvement, often termed 'helicopter parenting,' where parents attempt to shelter their children, can cause unseen damage. This is a very preventable damage. And the remedy for this comes from qualities that most men, who have some contact with their authentic masculine nature, would naturally embody and bring to the child-rearing experience.

On an archetypal level, masculine energy is associated with creating freedom, challenging norms, and confronting obstacles. From the very first act that fathers get the opportunity to do symbolically is cutting the umbilical cord that initially connects mother to child. This symbolic act is the masculine's continued role as the child moves through different developmental stages. While the feminine and maternal aspects are concerned with safety, nurturance, and comfort, if a child spends their life frozen in a womb-like enmeshment with the mother energy, they will never develop certain capacities to go out into the world and be functional. We see this reflected in many a modern day youth's failure to launch. Children are statistically not getting their driver's licenses until much older, and many kids still living in the family home until nearly 30.

Researcher Warren Farrell has extensively studied what he calls the 'boy crisis,' referring to the challenges boys face in modern society. What the research is showing is that boys are more likely to struggle in school, have lower grades, and be diagnosed with behavioral problems compared to girls. This includes less and less enrollment for young men into higher education. However, the studies have also shown that the presence of a supportive and involved father can help to mitigate this epidemic of boys falling behind. What has been shown is that not just boys, but all children with involved fathers have been found to have better academic performance, higher levels of social and emotional competence, and fewer behavioral problems.

While there is a bit of a trope of the "deadbeat dad" or the absent father, I believe the majority of men, unless they are dealing with serious unresolved trauma themselves, have an instinctual desire to be involved in their children's lives. What is not often seen or acknowledged as an impact on family systems is the detrimental contribution that our family judicial systems play in contributing to what we might perceive as deadbeat dad syndrome. In actuality, many fathers, based on cultural maternal biases, are driven further away from their children. This can occur through the amplification of existing family conflicts, within a justice system that is hell-bent, not on what is in the best interest of children, but on a winner/loser battle dynamic. Many fathers fall victim to false allegations of abuse, as it can often be a strategy within female culture to combat with reputational slander. While men are certainly not innocent of bringing their own form of aggression to the mix, male displays of aggression tend to be more verbal or physical. In the end, statistically, we are still seeing the prevalence of mothers becoming the custodial parent and an uneven parenting time split, generally favoring women, even taking into account the fact that financial earning capacities are evening out across the gender divide. In many cases, fathers are left with not only less time with their children but also the emotional pain and fallout of the arrangement of minimal contact with their loved ones.

A father's involvement can be diverse, extending beyond the stereotypical 'Disneyland dad' experience. While it can be impactful for a father to plan special experiences with their kids. We need to be careful that we are not being motivated in our efforts to win our kids love or approval by overcompensating with over-the-top activities. It's almost always the simple things we do and the consistency we can show up with that has the most net positive impact for children.

Below are a few examples of beneficial things that fathers can do, and you may already be doing naturally.

Play. Play is essential. It doesn't necessarily mean playing with dump trucks or donning Tinkerbell wings, though there may be a time and place for those activities. One thing that both boys and girls both often love to do is to rough house. We've all witnessed the way young puppies or kittens will play in games of dominance and submission, and this shows up all across the entire mammalian kingdom. Roughhousing is an important tool in brain development, body coordination, relational awareness and in developing an understanding of social dynamics. Research has indicated that rough physical play can help children develop body awareness, a healthy respect and understanding of others boundaries, and even the capacity to empathize with others feelings.These are all crucial for healthy socialization.

Playing Catch. Tossing a ball back and forth is not just about the sport of it or the coordination. When you are throwing a heavy object to someone that can potentially cause them harm, it requires both a quality of connection and attunement. The sensitivity be modeled in how fast, how far, how high, or how low to throw the ball to both provide your child a chance of succeeding, but also reading them to find that level of challenge that would both build their skill and self confidence. The layers of care that can go into the simplicity of throwing a ball to your kids runs deep. And will be both felt in the moment and have a longer term positive benefit for your child.

Teaching A Skill. There's something deeply satisfying for men in imparting some kind of knowledge that we've acquired to a young hungry mind. Children at varying ages want to learn about the world. And while you may not think much about the many things you've picked up growing into adulthood, there's a lot of wisdom in there. There's an art to teaching a skill that leaves a particularly positive imprint. Waiting for your child's genuine curiosity and desire to learn something. While there may be a time and pace for a specific agenda to teach a child some fundamentals about how to function in life, their receptivity will help the flow of knowledge touch them deeper. The skill of teaching a skill also requires your patience, your capacity to be with their frustrations as they struggle to learn, and how well you attune to them in your pacing of what they are ready to take in. The memory and value of the time you devoted to teach your children will stay with them for a lifetime, even if the skill itself gets lost.

Presence. It's a simple concept, yet not easy to practice. Modern society has conditioned us primarily around doing activities. While taking relevant action is necessary at times, it's not necessary to always be preoccupied with staying busy. Kids crave a father's presence. There's a quality of nourishment and being seen that fortifies children in unseen ways, just by being with them, offering our undivided attention, witnessing and listening. This could look like just sitting in silence together on a road trip, with enough comfort in the connection that words don't need to be spoken. It could mean showing up to a performance or sporting event. Or just being there while they do a homework assignment. It could mean holding them in a comforting embrace when they are having a moment of strong emotion. Don't underestimate the power and impact of your presence, it's meaningful and it can be felt as a feeling of safety.

Critical Thinking. As a father, you may naturally challenge your child's thinking as they reach a certain age. This could be a around asking tough questions that help them to exercise their mental strength to solve a problem.Equipping our children for self-sufficiency requires them to confront inevitable social, emotional, and political challenges as they grow. Rather than rescuing them from the inevitable challenges they will face, we can train them to be empowered with a quality of discernment and perspective, which allows them to investigate with a kind of depth, that helps them to make wise and informed decisions. Research has shown that a father's involvement strengthens the executive function of the pre frontal cortex part of the brain, helping your kids move from emotional reactions to rational decision-making. 

It is essential for fathers to be recognized by society and supported in their role as parents, as their involvement is proven to have lasting benefits for their children. This needs to be recognized and upheld within both two parent households as well as in coparenting dynamics. It's vital that mothers do not undermine or emasculate the fathers inputs even if it provides a different approach than what they will instinctually be moved to do. While parents may disagree, those disagreements need to be hashed out without the watchful eyes of their children. And ultimately, a mother that holds a quality, tone and demeanor of respect towards the father figure, despite any disagreements, will entrain their children with an internalized psychology of respect for the masculine qualities within them. Those qualities including; structure, order, direction, decisiveness, rational thinking, self sacrifice, boundaries and assertiveness. More often than not, a mother that doesn't respect a man and overrides his input, is actually caught in her own unconscious masculine energy, and projecting her distrust for the masculine onto him.

Research has consistently shown that fathers are just as capable of providing care and support for their children as mothers. Studies have found that children with involved fathers have better academic outcomes, higher self-esteem, and fewer behavioral problems. In addition, fathers who are involved in their children's lives have been shown to have a positive impact on their children's social and emotional development.

It is important to recognize that fathers play a critical role in their children's lives and to acknowledge the biases and stereotypes that can disadvantage fathers in our assumed societal childrearing dynamics. By supporting fathers in their efforts to be involved and equal caregivers, we can create a more equitable society and help our children receive the unique qualities of parenting that naturally come from men.

If you're a man and a father, know that your children need you. There may be times that you feel unimportant or inadequate depending on the stage of your child's development. There may be times where your efforts feel dismissed or your intentions misunderstood, nonetheless you need to stand strong. Know your value and uphold your values within the family system. Often a fathers discipline will be rejected and unappreciated until children reach adulthood, when they finally see that what may have come across as too strict or harsh, helped them to file their taxes on time, or set healthy boundaries in a relationship. We are in an era where there is a war on masculinity and terms like the patriarchy are being weaponized to hedge men in. I'd like to end this blog with an excerpt from the Mythic Masculine podcast, and an interview with Stephen Jenkinson, where he speaks to the etymological true origins of the term patriarchy.

So, patriarchy. Patros. Not man. Not boy. Father. Is father a subset of men? Arche: the fundament, the kind of hard-to-realize fundament that upholds everything that rests upon it. Foundational. Requiring the ability to stand under, in order to be understood. That's not just a play on words. That's literally what it means. That's why it's archeology and archetype and, you know, architectonics and arch, archaic. All of these refer to some, not the first, but that which is willing to stand under and sustain everything that comes subsequent to it. Put them back together and what do you have? Do you have men? No, but you do have something masculine and it's a function. It's the willingness to engage in a kind of primordial spirit labour called fathering.

References:

• Farrell, W. (2018). The Boy Crisis: Why Our Boys Are Struggling and What We Can Do About It.
• The Mythic Masculine Podcast

Fathers play a crucial role in childhood development. However, in much of post-modern culture, this role is frequently undermined by certain family dynamics and institutional biases in the judicial system during custody cases. Moreover, even in households with two parents, there is a growing trend that encourages fathers to adopt predominantly feminine characteristics in their approach to parenting. While men certainly have the capacity to bring loving care to their children through nurture, and it is healthy for men to offer this, it's important to recognize that this is just one aspect of the broader spectrum of care that fathers can provide. This shift can lead men to question their natural instincts and rely on their partners to model appropriate parenting behavior.

We have been conditioned as a society to emphasize only the role of the mother in child rearing. While it's true that what healthy maternal energy can bring is invaluable, the importance of a father's presence in a child's life is indisputable based on the many studies that have been conducted on this subject. From the moment a child is born, fathers have the ability to shape their children's lives in meaningful ways. In our modern day nuclear family households, there is already a lack of diversity in presence, energy, and perspective which potentially limits a child's developmental path. As creatures that evolved within a more complex system of interdependent human relational dynamics, we are already operating at a net loss compared to what the expectations of our genetic hardware and neurological software were designed for.

The imprints we receive, particularly early in our first few years of life, but also as our brain continues to develop into our 20's, shape perceptions and expectations of ourselves and this world for an entire lifetime. While it's understandable that modern parents have become more cautious and perhaps more intentional in the last couple of generations, as to what they allow their children to be exposed to due to a desire to shift and heal intergenerational abuses and traumatic experiences, it's important to have a critical eye on any trends, particularly those that stem from unresolved pain. Any action that is sourced in trauma, that is reactionary, while not being a present moment-based response, will in many cases become a projection and assumption of that pain, where it may not even exist.

The modern trend of 'helicopter parenting,' characterized by excessive involvement in a child's life, can inadvertently cause harm despite intentions to protect. This is a very preventable damage. And the remedy for this comes from qualities that most men, who have some contact with their authentic masculine nature, would naturally embody and bring to the child-rearing experience.

On an archetypal level, masculine energy is associated with creating freedom, challenging norms, and confronting obstacles. From the very first act that fathers get the opportunity to do symbolically is cutting the umbilical cord that initially connects mother to child. This symbolic act is the masculine's continued role as the child moves through different developmental stages. While the feminine and maternal aspects are concerned with safety, nurturance, and comfort, if a child spends their life frozen in a womb-like enmeshment with the mother energy, they will never develop certain capacities to go out into the world and be functional. We see this reflected in many a modern day youth's failure to launch. Children are statistically not getting their driver's licenses until much older, and many kids still living in the family home until nearly 30.

Researcher Warren Farrell has extensively studied what he calls the 'boy crisis,' referring to the challenges boys face in modern society. What the research is showing is that boys are more likely to struggle in school, have lower grades, and be diagnosed with behavioral problems compared to girls. This includes less and less enrollment for young men into higher education. However, the studies have also shown that the presence of a supportive and involved father can help to mitigate this epidemic of boys falling behind. What has been shown is that not just boys, but all children with involved fathers have been found to have better academic performance, higher levels of social and emotional competence, and fewer behavioral problems.

While there is a bit of a trope of the 'deadbeat dad' or the absent father, I believe the majority of men, unless they are dealing with serious unresolved trauma themselves, have an instinctual desire to be involved in their children's lives.The impact of biases within the family judicial system often goes unrecognized, contributing to the stigmatization of fathers as 'deadbeat dads.' In actuality, many fathers, based on cultural maternal biases, are driven further away from their children. This can occur through the amplification of existing family conflicts, within a justice system that is hell-bent, not on what is in the best interest of children, but on a winner/loser battle dynamic. Many fathers fall victim to false allegations of abuse, as it can often be a strategy within female culture to combat with reputational slander. While men are certainly not innocent of bringing their own form of aggression to the mix, male displays of aggression tend to be more verbal or physical. In the end, statistically, we are still seeing the prevalence of mothers becoming the custodial parent and an uneven parenting time split, generally favoring women, even taking into account the fact that financial earning capacities are evening out across the gender divide. In many cases, fathers are left with not only less time with their children but also the emotional pain and fallout of the arrangement of minimal contact with their loved ones.

Fatherly involvement should be diverse and extend beyond the limited 'Disneyland dad' stereotype, encompassing a wide range of meaningful interactions. While it can be impactful for a father to plan special experiences with their kids. We need to be careful that we are not being motivated in our efforts to win our kids love or approval by overcompensating with over-the-top activities. Often, it is the simple, consistent actions that have the most profound and positive impact on children.

Below are a few examples of beneficial things that fathers can do, and you may already be doing naturally.

Play. Play is essential. It doesn't necessarily mean playing with dump trucks or donning Tinkerbell wings, though there may be a time and place for those activities. One thing that both boys and girls both often love to do is to rough house. We've all witnessed the way young puppies or kittens will play in games of dominance and submission, and this shows up all across the entire mammalian kingdom. Roughhousing is an important tool in brain development, body coordination, relational awareness and in developing an understanding of social dynamics. Research has indicated that rough physical play can help children develop body awareness, a healthy respect and understanding of others boundaries, and even the capacity to empathize with others feelings.These are all crucial for healthy socialization.

Playing Catch. Tossing a ball back and forth is not just about the sport of it or the coordination. When you are throwing a heavy object to someone that can potentially cause them harm, it requires both a quality of connection and attunement. The sensitivity be modeled in how fast, how far, how high, or how low to throw the ball to both provide your child a chance of succeeding, but also reading them to find that level of challenge that would both build their skill and self confidence. The layers of care that can go into the simplicity of throwing a ball to your kids runs deep. And will be both felt in the moment and have a longer term positive benefit for your child.

Teaching A Skill. There's something deeply satisfying for men in imparting some kind of knowledge that we've acquired to a young hungry mind. Children at varying ages want to learn about the world. And while you may not think much about the many things you've picked up growing into adulthood, there's a lot of wisdom in there. There's an art to teaching a skill that leaves a particularly positive imprint. Waiting for your child's genuine curiosity and desire to learn something. While there may be a time and pace for a specific agenda to teach a child some fundamentals about how to function in life, their receptivity will help the flow of knowledge touch them deeper. The skill of teaching a skill also requires your patience, your capacity to be with their frustrations as they struggle to learn, and how well you attune to them in your pacing of what they are ready to take in. The memory and value of the time you devoted to teach your children will stay with them for a lifetime, even if the skill itself gets lost.

Presence. It's a simple concept, yet not easy to practice. Modern society has conditioned us primarily around doing activities. While taking relevant action is necessary at times, it's not necessary to always be preoccupied with staying busy. Kids crave a father's presence. There's a quality of nourishment and being seen that fortifies children in unseen ways, just by being with them, offering our undivided attention, witnessing and listening. This could look like just sitting in silence together on a road trip, with enough comfort in the connection that words don't need to be spoken. It could mean showing up to a performance or sporting event. Or just being there while they do a homework assignment. It could mean holding them in a comforting embrace when they are having a moment of strong emotion. Don't underestimate the power and impact of your presence, it's meaningful and it can be felt as a feeling of safety.

Critical Thinking. As a father, you may naturally challenge your child's thinking as they reach a certain age. This could be a around asking tough questions that help them to exercise their mental strength to solve a problem.Equipping our children for self-sufficiency requires them to confront inevitable social, emotional, and political challenges as they grow. Rather than rescuing them from the inevitable challenges they will face, we can train them to be empowered with a quality of discernment and perspective, which allows them to investigate with a kind of depth, that helps them to make wise and informed decisions. Research has shown that a father's involvement strengthens the executive function of the pre frontal cortex part of the brain, helping your kids move from emotional reactions to rational decision-making. 

It is essential for fathers to be recognized by society and supported in their role as parents, as their involvement is proven to have lasting benefits for their children. This needs to be recognized and upheld within both two parent households as well as in coparenting dynamics. It's vital that mothers do not undermine or emasculate the fathers inputs even if it provides a different approach than what they will instinctually be moved to do. While parents may disagree, those disagreements need to be hashed out without the watchful eyes of their children. And ultimately, a mother that holds a quality, tone and demeanor of respect towards the father figure, despite any disagreements, will entrain their children with an internalized psychology of respect for the masculine qualities within them. Those qualities including; structure, order, direction, decisiveness, rational thinking, self sacrifice, boundaries and assertiveness. More often than not, a mother that doesn't respect a man and overrides his input, is actually caught in her own unconscious masculine energy, and projecting her distrust for the masculine onto him.

Research has consistently shown that fathers are just as capable of providing care and support for their children as mothers. Studies have found that children with involved fathers have better academic outcomes, higher self-esteem, and fewer behavioral problems. In addition, fathers who are involved in their children's lives have been shown to have a positive impact on their children's social and emotional development.

It is important to recognize that fathers play a critical role in their children's lives and to acknowledge the biases and stereotypes that can disadvantage fathers in our assumed societal childrearing dynamics. By supporting fathers in their efforts to be involved and equal caregivers, we can create a more equitable society and help our children receive the unique qualities of parenting that naturally come from men.

If you're a man and a father, know that your children need you. There may be times that you feel unimportant or inadequate depending on the stage of your child's development. There may be times where your efforts feel dismissed or your intentions misunderstood, nonetheless you need to stand strong. Know your value and uphold your values within the family system. Often a fathers discipline will be rejected and unappreciated until children reach adulthood, when they finally see that what may have come across as too strict or harsh, helped them to file their taxes on time, or set healthy boundaries in a relationship. We are in an era where there is a war on masculinity and terms like the patriarchy are being weaponized to hedge men in. I'd like to end this blog with an excerpt from the Mythic Masculine podcast, and an interview with Stephen Jenkinson, where he speaks to the etymological true origins of the term patriarchy.

So, patriarchy. Patros. Not man. Not boy. Father. Is father a subset of men? Arche: the fundament, the kind of hard-to-realize fundament that upholds everything that rests upon it. Foundational. Requiring the ability to stand under, in order to be understood. That's not just a play on words. That's literally what it means. That's why it's archeology and archetype and, you know, architectonics and arch, archaic. All of these refer to some, not the first, but that which is willing to stand under and sustain everything that comes subsequent to it. Put them back together and what do you have? Do you have men? No, but you do have something masculine and it's a function. It's the willingness to engage in a kind of primordial spirit labour called fathering.

References:

• Farrell, W. (2018). The Boy Crisis: Why Our Boys Are Struggling and What We Can Do About It.
• The Mythic Masculine Podcast